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Light The White House Gold

I have finally come to realize he is really never coming back……………….

Maybe for a while I tricked myself into believing I was going to wake up, that this terrible nightmare was going to soon be over.

Unfortunately, It’s not working anymore. The days are more difficult than ever. People tell me it gets easier with time, but how could they possibly know that? They didn’t have an incredibly amazing, undeniably funloving, warm, caring, full of life, true love child…… If they did, they wouldn’t be saying that.  Yesterday made 22 months he’s been physically gone from my life. To me it’s been seconds. The pain and suffering I feel has not subsided in the least amount. The need to hold him in my arms, to kiss him, to protect him is the same as it was the day he died.  I know I say the same things over and over again, but this doesn’t change.  I wish I could tell my friends going thru the same thing that it does, but honestly it does not. It NEVER gets easier. Somehow you just learn to adjust, to keep busy, to do what you have to do to survive.  Someone asked me recently how I continue to breathe.  The truth is there are times I feel as if I am suffocating, like I am falling into the deep crevice of eternal pain and suffering from which I will never return.  Then someone makes me laugh as I return and wipe away the tears…………..

I continue to write to help others as well as myself. Those who want to read my blog will, I know some find it too difficult, too depressing…… and thats okay. I’m here for whoever needs me to be………. I’m here to let others know that no matter how difficult it is, no matter how painful it is, no matter how deep and distraught we become, we continue to survive, because it’s what we are suppose to do, although it’s NOT the way life is supposed to be.

I’m here now to ask you all a favor, there is a petition to Light The White House Gold in September for Childhood Cancer Awareness Month:


How better to raise awareness than starting with the White House and the President.  I ask you to please sign this petition. We still need over 12,700 signatures. I know we can do this. For Sal, for Liam and Derek and Julian and Gus and Sam and Sydney and Melina and Patrick and Jack and Charlotte and Isabella and both Ryan R’s and Jensen and Nick and Ronan and Ashley and Ethan J and Eli and Max and Ila Jean and Ylaria and Isaiah and Pierce and Daxton and Ethan S and Teddy and Anna and Tanner and Sarah and Lauren and RJ and Mary Catherine and Morgan and Ethan and Quincey and Nick and Evan and Owen and Erik and Evan and Erin and Ty and Caden and Julian A and Steven and Christopher and Harley and Claire and Taylor and Savannah and Emily and Cole and Lyana and Caleb and Jack H and Gabrielle and Joseph and the list goes on………

Do you know this many children who have died? Now, thru me, you do. These are the names of real children who suffered like Sal did and who have parents suffering as I am right now.  Real kids, who, like Sal were healthy until they were diagnosed. Beautiful, amazing kids who did not deserve to suffer and die.

Please help us raise awareness of Childhood Cancer and the devastation it causes. Help Us raise money for Research so that all those children suffering now and those that will be newly diagnosed will have HOPE for a future.  Please sign the petition and share it with everyone you know.

As always, thank you for listening. Thank you for standing by my side. Thank you for helping me live through each day.

Please sign our petition……..Because this is NOT fair:



1. Patricia Barrett - January 23, 2013

I am truly sorry for your loss


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