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My Eternal Struggle Continues…… March 18, 2013

Posted by Waking Up With A Broken Heart in Dreams, Love & Grief.


2 seconds….

2 weeks……..

2 months………

2 years………………

Is there really any difference? No….

Has the pain diminished at all?  No….

Has it lessened like a wound as it slowly heals?  No……

WHY???  That’s all I want to know……… Why were you taken from me??????………

Early this morning I had another dream, one I did not want to awaken from………
Sal came to visit me. I knew he was coming from Heaven as he has visited me so many times before in my dreams. We were laughing and singing and shopping and dancing and eating…………… All his favorite things.  It felt like it lasted for hours, yet not long enough.
I knew he was just visiting so I tried hard not to wake up, somehow, I knew I was just dreaming, but it was okay because he was here with me……..the only way I can have him now.  Is this my mind playing tricks on me? Or, is this really my baby visiting me every time he knows I am in total utter despair and feel like I can’t go on???  I wish I knew it was really him. He always worried about me, he always cared so much how I felt and did everything he could to keep me happy………. Can you imagine, thru all his pain and suffering he was always worried about me……..his mama…… always telling me he loved me more……….

The pain of losing my baby, my bestfriend, my true love………….. is not just emotionally but

excruciatingly physically painful.


April 22, 2003 – March 19, 2011





1. alyselancaster - March 19, 2013

I truly believe he was visiting you the best way he can. I pray he visits you every night. I know that won’t ever ease your pain, but if it brings you even a moment of happiness, then I wish for it anyway…


2. Nathalie - March 19, 2013

I cannot even imagine what this day or any day is like for you. Just know that you are in some many of our hearts and prayers. Your baby will always be in your heart….


3. Diane P - March 19, 2013

I understand the pain of which you speak…I lost my son Nickolas to leukemia in August of 2009. I also write a blog…I started when my son was first diagnosed. It will be four years this August since my son died. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to email me…I am in pain every day….and I have said to myself so many times, this HURTS SO BAD! It is physically painful and emotionally exhausting. I do not understand why we had to lose our beautiful sons. I am searching every day for meaning in this meaningless event. I am so glad that Sal comes to you in dreams. I rarely dream of my son and it breaks my heart. I have had only a few dreams and when I see him my heart just soars and I want to hug his neck and stay with him forever. When I dream of my son, my heart is filled with his light and I realize the stark contrast to the darkness I now live in every day. Nickolas was 26 when he died. He was a grown son, but there is no good time nor good way to lose a child. I feel as if I will live in this grief forever. You are still in the very early days of your journey….all we can do is help each other find our way. Some days we just have to fall down to the ground and cry and hope we can find the strength to get back up or perhaps someone or something will lift us to our feet once again, until we fall again. Bless you, my broken heart is with you on this most difficult day.


4. grahamforeverinmyheart - March 21, 2013

From his photos, he looks like he has a mischievous sense of humor. What a loss.
This Friday will be 10 months since my son was killed and we’re just bewildered about how we are to continue to face the future without him. Every day is a struggle.


5. dtine33 - June 3, 2013

what a beautiful boy with a wonderful mischievous spirit. a boy to make a momma proud. I am so sorry for your loss – I hope you can cherish the memories but find peace. I think there is no loss greater then that of losing a child – I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it not so. Sending love and strength to you.


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